You must learn to be a good judge of character and here’s something else you must learn, to do the work well with others, you must learn to deliver criticism and express anger in a safe way. It’s inevitable during the course of working with others, it’s inevitable that you’ll come across some situation that will result in anger or criticism needs to be handed down, it’s just a part of life that you delegate some responsibility and through either a lack of good communication or lack of good listening on the other end, it’s inevitable that some situation will get you all hot and bothered. Now what do you deal with your anger, you can’t lash out, you can’t lash out at your children or your friends or your colleagues, but here’s what you can do and here’s what you must do, lash out at the problem or the situation. How you say to your teenager, you know I love you but what you did was wrong. I hated that you took car without asking first and I especially hated that you got a speeding ticket what were you thinking so whatever the punishment might be, make sure you’re punishing the bad deed, not the person. Your assistant ends up sending the contract to the seller instead of the buyer, make sure your assistant knows that you appreciate him, but you don’t appreciate the wrong doing whatever criticism you hand down, whatever anger your processing make sure that the one to receive it knows well that you care about the person, but hate what they did and if you’re too steamed up to be this rational about it make sure to keep your mouth closed until you’ve cooled off a bit.
In Dale Carnegie’s book; “the leader in you” he describes the attributes of kind criticism. He quotes Andres Navarro’s technique of kind criticism as the three for one rule. If you don’t like something about the way someone works write down the problem but before you confront that person with criticism discover three good things about the person, noticing three good things gives you the right to criticize one bad thing interesting thought criticism after appreciation with well delivered words, well-chosen words, you could admonish the doing without admonishing the doer, this is important you love the person, you hate the act, make sure they know the difference. You don’t have to couch the word, you don’t have to hide your anger or disappointment, but you do have to make sure that your communication is effective so that the wrong doing will never be done again, and the more you care the stronger you can be, this has to do with intensity now, the intensity of your communication to those you work with, those you live with, those your close to, the more you care the stronger you can be, if you really care for someone, I’m telling you, they’ll give you room to get right on their case, they’ll give you room to use some powerful language, they will give you room to go right after them, if they feel if they know that you really care, you can solve some stinky problems, you can attack the dark side and the bad behavior, they’ll give you room if they know how much you care and the more you care the stronger you can be.